Losing Yourself.

There was a moment today when I thought... Who am I?? and where did that just come from? Oh the woes of being a human. We so easily lose ourselves. All I need is 100 degree weather, driving the beast (my husbands awesome Z71 Tahoe that I have a really hard time driving), and an angry sub contractor for me to become monster Sarah. In my defense today was a rough day and around four o'clock I found my self: hair completely disheveled, drinking a coke?? (I hate coke.. I haven't had one in years), and screaming at another human over the phone. This is a very scary picture.

After hanging up and realizing what I had become, I felt lost. I was defending my company from a sub contractor who really got us into a terrible situation by deception. Yes that is a good bone in me, its the justice bone and the loyal bone, and I honestly wouldn't trade them. But oh to be like Jesus to channel my loyal justice into a self controlled person. I finished the work day and crawled onto my bed, lit a candle and reflected my mind flooded with scripture.

 Galatians 5: ^"13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. ^(Y)Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love ^(Z)serve one another. ¹⁴ For ^(AA)the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ^(AB)“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁵ But if you ^(AC)bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. ¹⁶ But I say, ^(AD)walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify ^(AE)the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For ^(AF)the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, ^(AG)to keep you from doing the things you want to do." - If I had been walking by the spirit would I have solved the problem with wisdom.. probably. Instead I lost it and ended up solving nothing - just hanging up the phone.

Not to mention the fruits of the spirit, love your neighbor as you love yourself, and just the character of Jesus. He was mocked, accused, slandered against, forsaken....etc. Yet he maintained his character, he was constant. He showed grace and mercy. Even to monster Sarah he is merciful. Something I love about Jesus that is so over looked is his kindness. He was so kind to the lowest of the lows, he was so kind to liars, cheaters, and prostitutes. He didn't hold his nose up and think lowly of them he considered them the same as himself, and he was kind. 

I'm thankful for grace, but I refuse to take advantage of it. Repentance, meaning to change your ways is in order as well as an apology. My prayer and hope is that I would become such a woman of the word that before I speak scripture would flood my mind, and that I would be equipped for the day, and first to seek wisdom from God.